Texas Humor

August 9, 2007

Since I recently returned from a trip to Texas I though I would post a little red neck humor.

West Texas couple, both bonified rednecks, had 9 children.

They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband “fixed”.

The doctor asked them, “…why, after nine children, would they choose to do this?”

The husband replied, “We had read somewhere that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican, and we didn’t want a Mexican baby because neither of us could speak Spanish.”

HOW TO TELL IF A REDNECK HAS BEEN USING A COMPUTER

• The monitor is up on blocks.
• Outgoing faxes have tobacco stains on them.
• The six front keys have rotted out.
• The extra RAM slots have Dodge truck parts stored in them.
• The numeric keypad only goes up to six.
• The login name is “Bubba”.
• The password is “Daisy Duke”.
• There’s a gun rack mounted on the CPU.
• There’s a Skoal can in the CD-ROM drive.
• The keyboard is camouflaged.
• The mouse is labeled “critter”.

A Redneck buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Redneck says, “I want my $20 million.”

The man replied, “No, sir. It doesn’t work that way. We give you a million today and then you’ll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years.”

The Redneck said, “Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it.”

Again, the man explain that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years.

The Redneck, furious with the man, screams out, “Look, I want my money! If you’re not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my dollar back!”