September 15, 2007
“It is good for a man that he bearthe yoke in his youth.”—Lamentations 3:27
This is as good as a promise. It has been good, it is good, and it will be good for me to bear the yoke.
Early in life I had to feel the weight of conviction, and ever since it has proved a soul-enriching burden. Should I have loved the gospel so well had I not learned by deep experience the need of salvation by grace? Jabez was more honorable than his brethren because his mother bare him with sorrow, and those who suffer much in being born unto God make strong believers in sovereign grace.
The yoke of censure is an irksome one, but it prepares a man for future honor. He is not fit to be a leader who has not run the gauntlet of contempt. Praise intoxicates if it be not preceded by abuse. Men who rise to eminence without a struggle usually fall into dishonor.
The yoke of affliction, disappointment, and excessive labor is by no means to be sought for; but when the Lord lays it on us in our youth, it frequently develops a character which glorifies God and blesses the Church.
Come, my soul, bow thy neck; take up thy cross. It was good for thee when young; it will not harm thee now. For Jesus’ sake, shoulder it cheerfully.
Spurgeon, C. Faith’s Checkbook
September 14, 2007
Magellanic penguins are only found around the Falkland Islands and South America, but they are extremely numerous within these regions. The Falklands has a population well in excess of 100,000 breeding pairs, but this is small compared to populations in South America, which number around 900,000 breeding pairs in Argentina (Centro Nacional Patagónico) and 800,000 pairs in Chile (Environmental Research Unit). Breeding colonies range from the Golfo San Matías in Argentina, southwards around the islands of Tierra del Fuego, and northwards up the Pacific coast of Chile as far as Puerto Montt.
The Magellanic penguin is around 70cm long, and has an average weight of about 4kg. The head and upper parts are black apart from two broad white stripes beneath the throat; one running up behind the cheeks and above the eye to join the pinkish gape, the second running adjacent to the white underparts with which they merge above the legs. Females are slightly smaller than the males, but have similar plumage.
Penguins of the Genus Spheniscus, to which Magellanic, Humboldt and Galapagos penguins all belong, are much more loosely colonial than other penguins. They generally nest in burrows when soil conditions permit, and are consequently spaced much further apart than surface-nesting penguins. Magellanic penguin colonies in particular often extend over several kilometres of coastline, at densities ranging from 0.001 to 0.1 nests per sq.m.
Magellanic penguins are widely distributed throughout the region. They particularly like offshore islands with tussac grass or small shrubs, which are in abundance around the Falkland Islands, Tierra del Fuego and the Pacific coast of Chile. Such islands offer deep layers of soil for burrowing into, and dense vegetation offering protection from aerial predators. The Atlantic coast of mainland Argentina is much drier, and has less vegetation cover, but it is still home to around 650,000 breeding pairs, many of which nest above ground in surface scrapes or under bushes. Magellanic Penguins prefer to nest in burrows, but when soil conditions are unsuitable for burrowing, they will nest on the surface using whatever protection they can find.
September 13, 2007
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?” “Sure,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?”
“Not for me. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They’re a bit stressed already so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $200 for your trouble.”
“I’d be happy to,” said the blonde.
So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went. Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!!
There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. What are you doing here?” he demanded, “I gave you $200 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.”
“Yes, I know you did,” said the blonde,” but we had money left over-so now we’re going to Sea World.”
September 12, 2007
Next time you get a wrong number try something like the following…
“Hello?”
A girl’s voice came over the line.
“Can I speak to Ben, please?”
I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number & I was bored.
“I’m sorry, he’s not in right now. Can I take a message?”
“Do you know what time he’ll be back?” she responded.
“I think he said he’d be home around 10:00.”
Silence on the other end…a confused silence.
“Is this Steve?”
My name isn’t Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.
“Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?”
“Well…he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him…” she said in a slightly irritated voice.
I replied, “Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00.”
A shocked voice now: “Who’s Karen?!”
“The girl he went out with.”
“I know that! I mean…who is she?”
“I don’t know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?”
“Yes…please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home.”
She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring.
“I sure will. Is this Jennifer?”
She exploded this time. “Who’s Jennifer?”
Apparently she wasn’t.
“Well…he’s going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry…it was an honest mistake.”
“Ben’s the one that’s made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she’s Very Upset and that I would Like Him to Call Me as Soon As He Gets Home.”
I smiled and said, “Okay, I will…but Becky isn’t going to like this…”
” Click. “
September 11, 2007
Law of Economics:
The amount needed for the present emergency is always in direct proportion to the amount you had saved for a vacation.
Law of the Workshop:
Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
Law of Probability:
The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Telephone:
If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Law of the Alibi:
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law:
If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).
Law of the Bath:
When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone will ring
Law of Close Encounters:
The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.
Law of the Result:
When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.
Law of Biomechanics:
The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater:
At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee:
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Murphy’s Law of Lockers:
If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs/Carpets:
The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
Law of Location:
No matter where you go, there you are.
Law of Logical Argument:
Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about
Brown’s Law:
If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.
Oliver’s Law:
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson’s Law:
As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Doctors’ Law:
If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor. By the time you get there you’ll feel better. Don’t make an appointment and you’ll stay sick.
